I'm not leaving my office today

My hair is jacked up, my pants are too short, and my inner bitch is clawing her way out. Its safer for everyone if I just hide out in here. I was breifly happy this morning, when I tried on the pants that I haven't worn in forever, and they still fit. Since, after all, I am expanding LIKE THE UNIVERSE.* Hmmm, the editor in me isn't sure if the asterisk goes before or after the period... Anyway, back to me. So, I was happy. "Yay! I haven't gained that much," I said to myself, until I realised that the pants are now floods. I have gotten so thick, that the material has risen to flood-like proportions. There are things that I can't stand, and "pants that are too short for the wearer" is very high up on that list. VERY high.








*at an exponential rate