Technically, not a lie

You see, I said that there was nothing new I could post. Not that there was nothing new to post.
Even now, I think its a bit early to let the cat out of the bag, as it were, but, now I figure I can tell you about the news. Check it out over here.

Abandoning the climb

I don't think that I will be posting much on here any more.
There just isn't anything new that I can post.

I am so weak, so so weak

Toward the end of the past 12 months or so, I have been very good at eliminating and then ignoring all possible "pregnancy" symptoms. Month one, I thought my sense of smell was heightened, but it was just the over-active air freshener in the bathroom.

Month two I was able to ignore the sense of smell symptom, but then fell victim to the lower-back ache symptom. Month three, I was able to ignore the sense of smell, and the lower-back ache, but then succumbed to the sore boobs symptom. Month 4... well, you get my drift.
I slowly eliminated all possible symptoms. I had just never paid so much attention to how I felt before the start of a new cycle. Now, I can write off almost everything as just a symptom of PMS.
But now, now I am having trouble not finding symptoms again.

So, the sore boobs? Back, but a different sore, and in a different place
Also, leg cramps. Possible? Yes. Probable? No

But the biggest sign of all...

I had a very intense cramp, the kind that I only have when I am a good 2 or days into the cycle.
And I am only 9DPO today. Could be implantation?? Maybe??

I am weak, so very weak. I am succumbing to Hope again.

B*tch.

I DO have a post in me (Dream Analysis; 8dpiui)

Night before last, I had a bit of a strange dream. I dreamt that I had a... well, lets just say a male reproductive organ. Usually, I don't remember my dreams at all, and if I do, they are always pretty straightforward, just reliving events that happened durin the day, or straight-up nightmares or stress dreams. But this, this was a pretty odd element that I felt that I should look up the symbolism of. Here is what I found:

To see a penis in your dream, signifies sexual energy, power and fertility.

I also found:

If a woman dreamt she had a male organ: if she is pregnant means she will have a baby boy, if she is not pregnant means her money will increase.

I have to say, I am OK with either of those (although I would prefer the former). Then, last night, I have more bizarre dreams. I think a chick that, once waking, reminds me of Anne Coulter (but without the douchebaggery) figured in it, but she wasn't prominent. The 2 things from my dream last night that really stuck with me, was that I owned a cow. I had adopted a white and tan cow, had brought her to a big farm to stable her there, and then, when I came back a few hours later, I couldn't find her. This is what a cow can symbolise:

In our dreams, this simple domestic animal can represent a variety of very important and deeply-felt issues. In some cultures the cow is a sacred symbol, representing divine qualities of fertility, nourishment and motherhood... The cow is mostly a positive dream symbol, and superstition-based dream interpretation say that grazing cows are symbols of prosperity, contentment and happiness.

So, both dreams have a fertility aspect to them. Interesting. But then... the final element to my dream... I was supposed to catch a train to go home, but I missed it because I didn't have my luggage. Guess what missing a train means in your dreams...

missing a train in your dream could mean a missed opportunity

Oh GREAT!

My interpretation has to be that my subconscious is telling me that I am in fact, not pregnant. It knows I am trying my damnedest, but sorry, yet another missed opportunity.

How depressing. Even my subconscious is working against me.

Lackadaisical Posting (7dpiui)

I don't mean to be, really, but there is only so much "OMG, could it be? No, I couldn't be so lucky. But maybe. But I won't get my hopes up. But how great would it be if it did?" that I could be writing.

Other than that, I really don't have a SINGLE other thing to post about.

Really.

Sorry.

Maybe soon, but right now I am waaaay too busy obsessing over things that are completely beyond my control.