Clomid Cycle 1; Day 5 (or, Not Much to Report)

Yeah, nothing really to report for yesterday. Except that I am glad that it was the last day. I had some doozies of death/anxiety dreams last night, but that could be because I am officially starting my new job today, and the new boss is out of jury duty all week and I am kinda floundering in a sea of "what the f*ck". I also had a major case of the glums yesterday. But that was after an impromptu pool party at the SILs, during which my niece and I had a blast in the pool. Could be related to that, could be related to the newly pregnant friend who was also there, who was my IRL infertile buddy, and who has now left me in the infertile dust.
Could be exacerbated by the Clomid, but it could be totally not related. We'll never know.
So, the final day's sciencey bit:

COMMON side effects:

• acne: N
  
• Blurred vision or vision problems (spots or flashes): N
  
• breast tenderness: N
• dizziness: N
• enlarged breasts: N
• enlargement of the ovaries: N
• flushing: N
  
• headache: N
  
• hot flashes: N
  
• irritability: M
  
• lightheadedness: N
  
• mood change: M
  
• nausea: N
  
• nightsweats: N
  
• pelvic pain or bloating: N
  
• stomach pain: N
  
• vomiting: N

Clomid Cycle 1; Day 4

I figured that the Clomid was messing with me yesterday, but not in any significant way. There was a period of time at the wedding where I was sitting like a bump on a log because I was all moody, and my eyes swam with unshed tears a few times, but for the most part it was fine.

All went well with the wedding. Except that it was held at a pavilion in a public park, and some random douchebag wandered over from the grass, monopolized the steel drum player that was hired to entertain the guests during the cocktail hour, and THEN tried to hit up the open bar. The unmitigated GALL of this guy, who clearly stuck out like a sore thumb in his cut off t-shirt and nylon shorts among all the formal and semi-formal attendees of the wedding. He didn't get a drink from the bar, but the father of the groom (who, btw, we think bankrolled the entire affair, or at least the lion's share of it, INCLUDING the rehearsal dinner with little to no acknowledgment of the contribution) allowed the man to have a glass of water. He's far nicer than me. I would have had his ass booted off in short order. But I am mean like that.

Anyway, the place was crawling with kids, and my SILs could NOT stop talking about how adorable this one particular 11-month-old-just-getting-used-to her-sea-legs-baby was, an how they just adored their own children at that age. It was really pure torture. But, really, I can't blame clomid for much of it.

COMMON side effects:

• acne: N
  
• Blurred vision or vision problems (spots or flashes): N
  
• breast tenderness: N
• dizziness: N
• enlarged breasts: N
• enlargement of the ovaries: N
• flushing: N
  
• headache: N
  
• hot flashes: N
  
• irritability: M
  
• lightheadedness: N
  
• mood change: M
  
• nausea: N
  
• nightsweats: N
  
• pelvic pain or bloating: N
  
• stomach pain: N
  
• vomiting: N

Clomid Cycle 1; Day 3 (or Clomid 1; Me 0)

I will consider myself lucky that the clomid didn't wreck me too much. I think yesterday was my worst symptom day, and that could have been because I didn't do anything, and so was able to really wallow in it. Or, it could be that I was feeling really shitty, and thus didn't want to do anything. Either way, it was a bit of a tough day yesterday. Today, I have a wedding to attend, and I can't be compromised by the crazies (I'm riding with my in-laws since DH is the best man). And so, for yesterday:

9:00 am drive H to friend's house because brainiac decides to move the day before his wedding
9:20 am score a wicked side table at a nearby garage sale for 2 bucks (it needs a little TLC); makes the drive worth it
9:30 am drive home. It's about a 20 min jaunt, but it felt like it took FOREVER to get home
1:00 pm leave to meet H at the mall where he is doing last-minute stuff for before the wedding
1:10 pm almost t-bone a city bus because it felt like the brakes did a weird "not working" thing; body does an adrenalin dump, proceeds to have the jitters
1:11 pm test brakes, seem fine (weird) keep going
1:15 pm eye itches, so I rub it. Something is on my hand, and my eye proceeds to burn and tear, and instantly develop a mild case of conjunctivitis (the membrane covering the white of the eye swells)
1:15:38 pm become convinced that the Universe thinks its my time to go, since now my left eye is watering and burning and I can't see well out of it, and my concentration on the road is compromised
1:20 pm arrive at mall a total mess, hopped up on adrenalin, shaking and near tears from my near-death experience
1:30 pm adrenalin burns off, leaving me tired, glum and just generally feeling like shit
1:45 pm go home and go to sleep till 7pm
7:00 pm wake up and do nothing, sit on the couch like a bump feeling like crap
8:26 pm ask Rich why he was f*cking with the goddamned air conditioning because it was freaking hot (turns out he didn't touch it)
1:00 am decide to wallow in bed
Sometime in the middle of the night wake up sweating like a bushpig, feeling like I must be sleeping in Beelzebub's infernal embrace, because its so f*cking hot

Now, for the sciencey part (L-low, M-medium, H-high intensity):

COMMON side effects:

• acne: L
  
• Blurred vision or vision problems (spots or flashes): N (well, yes, but not clomid related)
  
• breast tenderness: N
• dizziness: N
• enlarged breasts: N
• enlargement of the ovaries: N
• flushing: (I don't really know what this is, now that I see it for the third time!)
  
• headache: N
  
• hot flashes: M
  
• irritability: M
  
• lightheadedness: N
  
• mood change: M
  
• nausea: N (no nausea yesterday, traded it for hot flashes)
  
• nightsweats: M
  
• pelvic pain or bloating: N
  
• stomach pain: N
  
• vomiting: N

Clomid Cycle 1; Day 2 (or Adventures in B*tface Ultrasound Tech Land)

6:30 am woke up, started getting ready for appt; did not take pill*, just in case I shouldn't have started before my u/s
8:15 am Arrive at fertility clinic, settle in with a Flare, circa 1986, wait for my name to be called
8:19 am miracle of miracles, I am called in a scant 4 minutes after my actual appt time
8:25 am undergo very uncomfortable (not physically) CD 2 transv u/s
8:26 am get put off by my ultrasound tech's ultrashitty attitude when I asked if I got to see anything

Me (uber-pleasantly): So, will I get to see anything?
B*tchface: No. Then I would have to explain "what's that black spot?", "what's that white blob?". There's a reason why its set up this way (gestures to monitor placed facing away from the exam table)

(God forbid I have an understanding of the procedures I am undergoing ON MY OWN BODY)

Me: (just making conversation): Ah, I see. I just know a lot of people in the States undergoing to same types of procedures, and they get to see whats going on, take home pictures, stuff like that.
B*tchface: Go to the States then.

She then proceeded to lecture me on the money-grubbing capitalistic failures of the American healthcare system, and how its all a big competition, and "pictures" and "an explanation of the invasive procedures you are subjecting your body to" are just a way to add value so that you pick one clinic over the other. Wow, I guess I should just be grateful that she's even bothering to do anything at all. I mean, she IS volunteering on her own time. Oh wait no...MY F*CKING TAX DOLLARS PAY YOUR SALARY. SPIN THAT MONITOR TOWARDS ME AND TELL ME WHAT THAT F*CKING WHITE BLOB IS.

I thought they were supposed to be way more friendly than that in the specialty clinics. All I wanted that snatch to do was point out what she was doing as she was doing it. Is that too much to ask? No, I don't think so. And as I think about it more, I get more enraged. (I wonder if thats the Clomid talking?)

At any rate, it seems silly to post that whole list of side effects and then put an N for none beside them.

Except maybe the irritability one. Perhaps I should put a M beside that one...

OK, in the name of science (L-low, M-medium, H-high intensity):

COMMON side effects:

• acne: L (tiny little mini-zitnear my mouth; I hate those)
• Blurred vision or vision problems (spots or flashes): N
• breast tenderness: N
• dizziness: N
• enlarged breasts: N
• enlargement of the ovaries: N
• flushing: N
• headache: N
  
• hot flashes: N
  
• irritability: L (potentially not even Clomid related, probably just douchey u/s tech related)
  
• lightheadedness: N
  
• mood change: N
  
• nausea: L
  
• nightsweats: N
  
• pelvic pain or bloating: N
  
• stomach pain: N
  
• vomiting: N
  

*(I came home and took my pill)

Clomid Cycle 1; Day 1

6:40 am take pill
6:55 am become filled with overwhelming sense of dread (this isn't going to work, and if it doesn't, we are so f*cked; IVF isn't really an "option")
6:59 am fight with Rich because he isn't really that supportive when I express concerns ("there's nothing else we can do about it / it's out of our hands" doesn't go far for comforting me when I think we might never have children)
7:15 am Realise that the previous 2 entries probably not related to "the clomid crazies", just plain old insensitive husband syndrome
3:17 pm Become anxious that I made the wrong choice taking the promotion


I'll rate the intensity of the common side effects in terms of High (H) Medium (M) Low (L) or None (N).

*COMMON side effects:

acne: N
Blurred vision or vision problems (spots or flashes): N
breast tenderness: N
dizziness: N
enlarged breasts: N
enlargement of the ovaries: N
flushing: N
headache: N
hot flashes: N
lightheadedness: N
mood change: N
nausea: L

nightsweats: N
pelvic pain or bloating: N
stomach pain: N
vomiting: N

*courtesy drugs.com