I'm surrounded!

By pregnant ladies. OK, so 3 pregnant ladies doesn't necessarily constitute "surrounded" but this is the first time in my life that people I really care about are pregnant. I mean, I've known other people who were pregnant, but I was either not that close to them, or, more specifically, not in baby-mode when they were pregnant. I care a lot more now that I want one, I get a lot more excited for people. So, anyway, if you are reading this (and you know who you are, even though I won't mention your name on the outside chance that it would get back to people we know):
Don't ever doubt that I am 100% happy for you, and not even a smidgen upset. But thank you for considering my feelings. You have truly paid your dues, and you deserve this!
I'm so excited for you!

Things to try and remember...

...when I am feeling grim because my body is taking its sweet time turning into an incubator.

• Constipation: I fear this with a fear that is intense and... fearful. Everyone has experienced it at one time or another, and I really hate it with a passion. See, I was on Atkins for almost a year once. It did a number on my insides. They still aren't quite back to pre-Atkins working order.
• Morning sickness: When I first started trying to conceive, I WISHED for morning sickness. I couldn't wait for it. I was even planning on making my own, designer waterproof barfbag for emergencies. Did you really believe that? Come on, what kind of douchebag do you take me for. However, I was almost looking forward to it. Until one morning, I took my prenatal on an empty stomach. That was bad enough, making Rich veer of the nearest off-ramp. So now, I kinda hope that I am the kinda woman who doesn't get morning sickness.
• Insomnia: I am sure that it was unintentional, and my "fear" of it is irrational, but my dad's insistence that I PUT DOWN THE BOOK AND GO TO SLEEP when I was like 11, has totally gotten me freaked out about not getting enough sleep. And then I saw The Machinist and although I would welcome a 60-pound weight loss, the inability to sleep, not so much. Because I really like sleep. Like, really. Which brings me to my next point which is
• Fatigue: I would welcome the fatigue only some much as it will make laying in bed and getting some Zzzzs feel really freakin' great. I am guessing exponentially better than it feels to fall into bed just because its the end of the day and your a little bushed. However, when you have to get up, go to work, cook dinner, go grocery shopping, basically be out of bed, it's going to suck, hardcore.
• Heartburn: Anything that makes you want to claw out your own esophagus has to be pretty bad. I don't know about you, but the kind of heartburn I used to get when I was a big giant fattie (yes, its true I was) was pretty bad, pretty constant, and pretty unbearable. I haven't looked into it, but, as long as Tums won't harm my as-yet-unconceived baby, i figure I'll be eating those like candy. Either that or nicking chalk from the local elementary school.
• Backache: I am no stranger to back pain. Frankly, I have it now when I sleep on my stomach (which, coincidentally enough, is my favorite position... have I told you my theory about how the universe hates me? Oh well, another day). There was this one time that I had to have the paramedics come collect me from my bedroom floor, because the pain was so bad. And this was after having laid there for 3 hours until someone could get to me. Remember. Universe. Hates. They gave me laughing gas and told me that if I breathed deeply and evenly, it wouldn't eliminate the pain, but I wouldn't care about it. Let me tell you, I breathed as evenly as a neurosurgeon and as deeply as a free-diver and I still felt the pain, and I still f*cking cared. But I digress.
• Feeling like a whale: Part of me thinks that the getting-fat part of pregnancy won't bother me as much as some ladies, since for me, as a fattie already, it will be so freeing to not have to worry about my belly protruding, but, if I develop sausage fingers and 3 chins. I am not going to be a happy camper.
• The just-get-it-out-of-me feeling: I have no idea what this is going to feel like, its just something I have heard happens at the end of your pregnancy. So I simultaneously have no fear (since I don't have any idea whats in store for me) and am filled with fear (because I don't have any idea what's in store for me!!)

I just hope that one day, I can look back on this blog, and review all these "drawbacks" of pregnancy and laugh heartily and say "it wasn't bad at all". Fingers crossed.

OK, spoke too soon

Remember how I was saying that I am not surrounded by pregnant ladies?
Just found out that another friend is pregnant. We don't live very near to each other any more, so we don't see each other often, but we keep in touch via MSN. She told me yesterday that she is PG. My immediate reaction was that I was very happy for her. She's wanted this for a while, and she was worried that it wouldn't happen for her. Now, when I say that she has wanted this for a while, I don't mean that she has had trouble trying to conceive, I mean she was single for a long time, and didn't think she would find anyone in time to have children before her eggs went off. She's melodramatic sometimes. As it seems, it was a one time deal, an "accident" of sorts. But it took for her.

Cut to 3 hours later when I start thinking about things, and... cue the sobbing.
I must preface this by saying that not one part of me wishes that she weren't pregnant, or isn't happy (nay, ecstatic) for her. She is my first close friend who is having a baby. I am very excited for her. However, there are a few things that make me sad, for me.

When I think about the fact that there was a time when it was me, her and another friend who hung out together all the time. They were the 2 that I hit the bars with every Friday night. One we don't talk to anymore (falling out/phase out) but she has a 4 month old now, and now this friend is pregnant. And I am still very not pregnant. That stings. Just that they are both moving right along, leaving me in the dust.

Then the fact that I started trying almost a year ago, with no luck so far, and SHE who was worried that her old eggs wouldn't work (she is only a few years older than me, like I said, a touch of the melodrama) has managed to get knocked up after one single incident.

So yeah, I cried yesterday. Sobbed even. But I stopped eventually, and I don't think I will again. Now I will move back to being ecstatic for her.

Besides, it hasn't even been a full year yet for me. I won't panic yet.

PG Ladies Around Me

Thankfully, there aren't many. Only one. And her's didn't sting at all. I don't know why. At any rate, I am very excited for her. She was worried about showing me her 19 wk u/s. My voice got to level "squeal". She's having a little girl. So, at any rate, that is whose ticker can be found on the lower right of my blog.