New roadblock

For the last 8 months that I have been keeping track of things, I have Oed more or less right on schedule. It looks like things are changing now. I don't know WTF is going on with my temperatures. They are really low for some reason, and I can't think why. I am sure that I am probably just overreacting, and its no big deal, but if I have an anovulatory cycle, I will really lose my shit. Clearly, its hard enough getting pregnant when I AM ovulating like clockwork, I don't even want to think about what a bitch it will be if I stop ovulating regularly. I want to stop temping, and just have sex every other day from days 9 to 16 (I've never ovulated later than day 15) but I won't be able to if I don't even know if I am Oing. Fuck. This is getting beyond frustrating. The only think keeping me from completely losing my shit is knowing that I am getting blood drawn, and will be going to a fertility clinic soon.

It's very weird, because even though I want to be pregnant, I want to have a child, it feels so far out of the realm of possibility that I don't know how I will react when/if it finally happens. It feels more likely that I will win the lottery than get pregnant. It feels like we have been trying forever, and its only been 8 months, 6 of actual hardcore trying.

Sometimes I wonder if it will ever ever happen for us. And I wonder why this is happening. I don't think that I deserve this. I bet this sentiment is felt my a lot of women in my predicament.

I am not a snowflake.