Posted Wednesday, February 27, 2008 2:09 AM
She said that the results of my ultrasound were fine, that everything is normal. That my uterine lining was a "4". I am assuming that she means 4mm. That is not normal. That is bad. Especially in light of where I was in my cycle. No wonder I am having trouble getting PG! I wish I could skip ahead to the fertility clinic, and have them work with me, since my doctor seems like she might be completely incompetent. And she seemed so nice today.
Posted Tuesday, February 26, 2008 8:44 PM
...cuz I keep EATING them. Hey, here's a newsflash. Not pregnant, again.
I guess it was just plain old PMS. Sucks. I am going to the Dr. this afternoon, going to find out the results of my u/s. Hope there is nothing to report. I was supposed to get CD 21 bloodwork done, but I was out of town, and couldn't. Don't I need CD3 b/w too? Oh well. I am going to ask for a prescription for Phenteramine too. I need to lose some weight, and I need a little help.
Posted Tuesday, February 19, 2008 1:53 AM
It's weird. Truly bizarre. One minute, I am thinking that maybe its OK to not get pregnant. Maybe its not the best time. Maybe I am not ready to give up my complete and total freedom. Maybe I am not ready to become a soccer-mom. Maybe I am not ready to have a snotty, weepy child attached to my hip.
And then I think, Oh yeah, I am totally pregnant this cycle.
I know I am probably wrong. There is no way I could be pregnant this cycle. Our timing was sh!t. We got a low score on fertility friend. But then, I recall the nausea that I have been having. Its very minor, and its only 9DPO so perhaps not even possible, but its def. there. And I never get nauseous. But then, its probably something totally explainable. And, I am very weepy. I swear, on the way back from Montreal, we passed a cattle truck, and I saw a cow through the little holes. I felt very bad for that cow. I tried to tell myself its just an animal, no sentient thought. But then I thought, what if it does feel. What if it misses its mom. I started to cry.
Come on! Over a cow? And I love steak!
And, I am snapping on Richie too.
These are my symptoms. Bitchy, weepy, pukey. Gawd, I MUST be pregnant.
I hate the 2WW. Need some lead-pipe therapy.
Posted Wednesday, February 13, 2008 8:59 PM
I don't usually feel this way. As much as it is difficult to have T-TTC, I think I am pretty laid back about the whole thing. Until today.
My insides are curling up, because 2 more girls are pregnant. And not just any girls, girls who were trying when I started trying, got pregnant, miscarried, and now are pregnant again. I have never felt like more of a failure. Its only been 6 months, and yet these girls have gotten pregnant TWICE before I have gotten pregnant even once.
Let me say, that I am, quite honestly and sincerely, very happy for these women. And they may say to me, "I would rather never be pregnant, than to miscarry", I don't know. But holy crap that hurts.
I am really afraid that it will take a very long long time, if at all, to get pregnant. I don't experience true fear like this very often.
Posted Saturday, February 09, 2008 7:51 PM
That's a transvaginal ultrasound for you! Especially when its performed by someone you vaguely recognise, can't place, but suspect might be friends with the woman who was your maid-of-honor for a few months, until she decided she hated you, because you found it difficult to listen to her rub in how great her life/job was, and how much money she was making, while you struggled with a sh!t job that you were only doing to pay the mortgage after you were unceremoniously "laid off" from a job you loved, because you asked the sh!thead boss for a raise and wouldn't let him blow you off, just because you are a woman.
Whew. That was a long sentence. At any rate, the ultrasound wasn't fun (I have this thing about strangers and my "no-no" spot). And the tech sucked, aside from potentially being 1 degree of separation from my archenemy. She didn't show me anything on the ultrasound, and when I asked if I would get to see anything, she turned the monitor to me for a nanosecond, and said "there's nothing really to see". Really. So, why did my doctor order this procedure, and why the f*ck am I letting you put a probe inside me, if there's NOTHING TO SEE??
I can tell that this is going to be a long and fun-filled journey. I go to get my b/w done on CD 21. Oh, wait, I just checked my calendar. I'll be in Montreal on our anniversary trip. Effin' great. Another month will go by with no answers.
Did I mention I am not getting any younger?
I am going to stop writing now. It won't be pretty anyway.
OMG, we are officially having trouble trying to concievePosted Thursday, January 31, 2008 12:20 AM
Well, that sucks ass. I can't believe that its happening to us. But it is, and so we deal with it and do what we gotta do. Finally got myself to the Dr, and I am all set up for some blood work and an ultrasound. I am still not that freaked out. I mean, I ovulate, so I figure anything else can be fairly easily remedied. Maybe some progesterone supplements or something. I just really hope that the DH isn't shooting blanks. That could be a major stumbling block. But he is young, and super healthy, so I really hope that isn't it.
I am going to see if I can get the ultrasound done right away, maybe Friday. Blood work has to wait for another 19 days. Damn it.
I feel better that we are getting something done though.
Perhaps it will hit me harder once we are actually referred to the fertility clinic.
I just wish we could have done it on our own.
And another cycle bites the dustPosted Saturday, January 26, 2008 3:19 PM
OK, I am really starting to get concerned now. There is no reason, if everything is OK, and we are timing it perfectly, for us not to be PG yet. So, something must be wrong. At least we are going to the Dr. soon. I am going to ask for an HSG and an SA for my husband. It just doesn't make any sense.
This wasn't supposed to happen to us. This wasn't supposed to be so f*cking hard.
In the time that I have been TTC...
Posted Monday, January 21, 2008 2:02 AM
...more than one person on this site has conceived, miscarried, and conceived again.
They've basically gotten pregnant twice, and I am still waiting. I hate this *** two week wait. In the wait to O, I'm cool as a cuke, just going with the flow, and now, I can't stop obsessing. ! I wish I could just go to sleep for the next 8 days.
This is the definition of frustrating.
How long will it take for the hope to die?
Posted Sunday, January 20, 2008 8:45 PM
So, I made my appt with the Dr. It is for what will probably be CD 3, unless, by the miracle of god, I actually get PG this cycle. Not counting on it. But its still so hard not to hope. I hate the hope. Hope sucks actually. I wish I could just be completely broken, and not have the hope. That would be much easier. How long with it take for the hope to die?
It hasn't been that long, but it feels like its been forever. And I don't understand, because "they" say that a year is average to take to conceive, and yet, it looks like EVERYONE is conceiving within a few cycles. There's only a handful of girls on the 6 mos + board, and they all have hinky cycles. As far as I know, there is nothing wrong with my cycles, I am ovulating, according to my temping, and yet somehow... nothing.
Posted Sunday, January 13, 2008 4:35 AM
Sick with the flu, and didn't want to drag my arse out of bed. Its like I am pre-discouraged. I just know she won't be any help. I need to just get my ass in gear and make another appt.
If this cycle is another bust, I am going to call.
I can't believe I am actually procrastinating on this!
Couldn't get in to Dr. this week...
Posted Saturday, January 05, 2008 5:45 PM
...but I was able to make an appt for next week. I am sure I am going to get push-back from her. Partly because it hasn't been 12 months, partly because she seems apathetic, at best. I am not really happy with my doctor, but there aren't enough to go around in Ontario, so I am stuck with what I have for now. I just hope that I can stay strong and make sure that I get what I want. All I know for sure is that I want an SA for the DH. Since I know I am ovulating, since I temp, I am not sure what tests can be done for me. I think I will have to google them so I can tell her exactly what I want done. At my pre-conception appt, all she told me to do was take PNVs. I thought for sure there would be more. I know that she crams her day full of as many appts as possible though, and never has enough time. I am going to a midwife as soon as I am PG. Sadly, I can't get in with one until I am.
I'm going to the Dr.
Posted Wednesday, January 02, 2008 6:37 AM
I am not waiting any more. I have perfect timing. I am ovulating. I am 32. It shouldn't be taking this long. F*ck the 12 months thing. Don't tell me that I haven't tried long enough. Maybe if I was 22, maybe if I was just winging it; but I am not, and I am not. I am going to the Dr. this week, since I am off anyway, and I am going to find out what's going on, if anything. At the very least, if it is nothing after all, my mind will be at rest, and I can just "relax" about it. Which, according to some, is the magic ticket.
We'll see.
Posted Tuesday, January 01, 2008 8:01 PM
This is me right now (except not as thin, and with longer hair)
This f*cking sucks. I thought for sure this was the cycle. Temping wasn't so consistent, because of the travelling, but its down, and I am spotting today. Yay. I had NAUSEA! Bad break-outs. Not-sore boobs. These were all very new for this cycle, and I thought this was it. Shit. I am trying not to worry until its been at least a year (which will likely be 20 or so cycles by then) but its really hard not to. Well, I guess I'll buy another 30-day membership to FF. At least I'll have something to bring my doctor when I hit the one year mark. I have to stop thinking about it, because I am getting glum.
TTC sucks ass-water. Pardon my French.
Posted Friday, December 21, 2007 7:59 PM
I temped this morning, even though it was incredibly high, because of the time change. Tomorrow I will know if my O day is confirmed. If its stays above 36.22, then I will have Oed on CD 13, and thats great, because it give me a "high" score. 3 days before, and day of O. I like those odds. I think once my O is confirmed, then I will stop temping. Thats what I say now of course...
This whole not stressing thing is not going as planned.Posted Wednesday, December 19, 2007 1:48 PM
I wasn't going to stress. I was just going to temp until tomorrow, till we leave, and be done with it. I was just going to FLB over the projected O window. Now, my temp is still super low, and I am afraid that I won't O at all this cycle. Now I have to schlep my thermometer with me to LA, and surreptitiously wake up at 5:30 AM on my VACATION to take my temperature. And its going to be off. Crap. I don't even know if its worth it. But I NEED to know if I O'd! Not that it matters... I guess I can take my temps later on and see if they are in the upper range. I'll know then that I O'd... but dammit, I need to know when its safe to stop FLB!
This SUCKS! These variables are completely effing up my experiment. That's what this has turned into, an experiment. I try to eliminate the variables, and extrapolate from the data.
I wonder if this is because I ditched science in school to focus on English...
Looking forward to the holidays
Posted Friday, December 14, 2007 2:39 PM
My 2WW this cycle will fall right when I go away for the holidays. I just hope that it will be able to distract me from the whole process. It will be so nice to not be obsessed with the passing of each day, and to be occupied with other things.I am sure that I won't be able to get it totally out of my head, but I'm sure it will be more than a bit of a distraction.
Could the witchy eye be right???Posted Tuesday, December 11, 2007 12:13 AM
Its December. The month when my friend with the witchy eye said that I would conceive. She also said I was have 2 boys, one of whom would have a lisp, but only until about grade 2.
Oddly enough, the gender chart does say that if I conceive this cycle, it will be a boy.
I won't be temping as much as the last 2 cycles, but only because we are travelling. And, I don't mind a reason not to as well. We'll just have to FLB for the week of Oing. At least I know that I do O. That, at least, has been reason enough to temp.
Double-edged swordPosted Saturday, December 08, 2007 10:21 PM
As nice as it is to have people in the same boat as you, its that much more painful when you hear that they get their BFP, while you are still waiting for yours. I don't begrudge them their good fortune, but its hard. And I am only on cycle 5.. Cycle 5, and not long cycles, I keep trying to tell myself that, to keep my chin up. It could be worse. It could be 11 cycles. People tell me not to worry, its still early, don't worry until its been a year. Whatever. I can't help but worry. I am already 32, now, thats not old, but it sure as sh!t isn't the same as 22 either.
I thought I was OK with cycle 4 having been a bust. I was surprised at how OK with it I was, once AF showed. But now, another girl got a BFP on cycle #3. When will I get mine I wonder? Its really starting to feel like it will never happen. I am so glad I haven't gone and bought any baby clothes or things like that. What if I am in that percentile, that percentile that can't have babies? What if I have an inhospitable uterus? What if his swimmers are duds?
Sometimes I wish that I didn't want kids.
Yeah, I know it, I am being a whiny b!tch. It happens. 
Posted Monday, December 03, 2007 2:15 PM
My temps did a weird this cycle, jumped really high one day (which I thought was good) and then dropped a bit, and now are sitting around the same temp. I've compared to a past chart, and it looks like its following a bit of the same pattern. I should know by tomorrow if I have a chance this cycle. If my temps drop by a significant amount (and I am sure they will) I'll know I am out. And I will be very disappointed. Not only because I'll be moving on to cycle #5, but because I won't get a chance to tell my family in person that we're pregnant. I only get to see my folks and sister about once a year. Thats been the trend at least. Folks live in the States, sister and I live on opposite sides of Canada. I've seen them more this year, but only because I got married in February, and my sister got married in June. But I figure now, i won't get to see them again until next Christmas, and unless it takes us that long to get PG, I won't be able to tell them in person. And that makes me very sad.
Telling DH's family will be great, but to be fair, they aren't my family, and they already have grandkids/nieces. They won't be as stoked. Just to clarify, I am not trying to get PG so I can have people be excited over me, but I can't wait for someone to be as excited at the idea as I am. My DH isn't excited. He's being too practical about it. When I express my frustration about not being PG, he always makes me feel like I am being silly, expecting it to happen right away. He doesn't actually SAY that, and I suspect that I am just being too sensitive, but it still irks me.
At any rate, this cycle will be the hardest "failure" to deal with, because I just want to be able to tell my family in person. I actually prayed last night. I am not a very religious person, and probably the kind of pray-er that God would ignore, since I only ask for help when I am in trouble (or at Mass, which is really infrequent).
I really hope that my temps stay up tomorrow. I will know its over if they drop tomorrow.
I've fallen and I can't BDPosted Friday, November 23, 2007 12:24 PM
I took a tumble last night, down my SILs stairs. I should be BDing like mad, because I am right around Oing (although I think I may have already, based on todays temp [see chart]). I'd like to cover the window with BDing though. Anyway, my ass is KILLING me! I didn't go in to work today, because there is no chance that I could sit in my chair all day in front of my computer. I barely slept last night, because I couldn't move without feeling excruciating pain, either in my tailbone, or in the muscles of my lower body (because they tensed up pretty hard as I hit the deck, 4 times) It didn't hurt so much at the time, but now, holy sh!t it hurts...
I am not a clumsy person. I don't fall much. Actually, ever. I can't remember the last time I hurt myself in a fall.
It took me 20 minutes to realize what the implications could have been if I were pregnant. I was feeling uncomfortable in my uterine area, and if I was PG, I would have assumed that I was cramping. Scary sh!t. Thank goodness I wasn't PG at the time. If anything, maybe the fall shook the egg down the fallopian tube a little faster! No more walking down stairs covered in plastic, in socks...
Posted Thursday, November 22, 2007 10:29 PM
Taking a break from the nest was really good for me. I am still going to try and stay away from the boards for a while longer. It was just making me nuts. It was all I would do at work, and I would just have babies on the brain all the time, and thats just not good for me. I have to say, I feel a lot better about it. Less pressure, I guess? I don't know. Maybe the pressure will kick back in big time once I O. I know that I am usually less anxious during the wait to O, but this was really the least anxious I've been since starting. I am going to try and stay away from the boards through the 2WW as well, but I may not be able to. I hope to continue posting on this blog though.
Posted Sunday, November 11, 2007 3:39 PM
I was more than a bit disappointed on Friday, but I feel better about it today. Gotta keep on trucking.
Posted Friday, November 09, 2007 3:55 PM
Woke up this morning to a temp drop.
I feel like total crap. I am tired, my arms feel heavy, I have a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. Technically, I know its not over, since AF hasn't arrived, but my temps don't fluctuate the way other peoples do. They stay within 1/10th of a degree or so, unless they are really dropping, or really rising.
Cycle 1 and cycle 2, I wasn't that upset over not getting my BFP, but in my heart, I really thought that it would be cycle number 3 that would be the winner.
I shouldn't complain. Its only been 3 cycles. Hell, if I can't pull myself together after this, I don't even want to imagine what it will be like if it takes another 3 cycles. After 6, I am going to my doctor. Screw waiting for a whole year.
I just want to get into bed and pull the covers over my head, and listen to the Cure.
And its only 11 am. This is going to be one looooooong day.
Just cuz I never can remember...
Posted Friday, November 09, 2007 3:55 AM
* 35% at 10dpo
* 51% at 11dpo
* 62% at 12dpo
* 68% at 13dpo
* 74% at 14dpo
* 80% at 15dpo
* 88% at 16dpo
* 92% at 17dpo
Posted Wednesday, November 07, 2007 4:19 PM
I really hope that I am not setting myself up for a huge disappointment, but by this time last cycle, AF had arrived, and so far, my temps are still going up! I can't wait for bed every night, because the sooner I go to bed, the sooner I can temp in the morning and see if its still up!
This is only cycle 3, but by far the hardest wait. Its really bad now that I am in the home stretch. I didn't test this morning (only 11 DPO) and I thought that AF was here (woke up with some cramping) so I didn't PIAC. Got a BFN yesterday and day before, but now I am really getting excited about getting a BFP. I am not thinking about after that, because then its about it sticking, but I just want the BFP.
Just found out that a cousin in law is PG with her 2nd. I am so stoked for her! I would assume she is at least 12 weeks along (haven' t had confirmation yet). Having dinner at their place on Sat night. I could/should know by Sat if its a BFP or not. It will be hard not to say anything. Really, really hard...
This is worse than waiting for Christmas, when I was a kid.
Hope I have good news in 3 days time!
I might cry this time if it doesn't take, its just all looking so good!
All my "symptoms" are gone...
Posted Tuesday, November 06, 2007 3:23 AM
...except the stuffy nose, that's still here. But I am starting to think thats just due to a change-of-season cold/allergy thing.
A new symptom has developed, sore BBs, but I think thats just AF on her way. I'm disappointed, but oddly enough, not as much as I would have thought. Who knows though, maybe I'll cry when she actually shows.
Bah. Guess it was just an evap line
Posted Monday, November 05, 2007 10:44 AM
I was pretty interested to see what would come out of the pee cup today, but no. It was kinda silly to think I O'd on CD10. Now I just have to wait a scant 5 more days to test legitimately. This'll be easy. A breeze.
Gah.
I broke, I tested
Posted Sunday, November 04, 2007 6:55 PM
I truly thought that I was going to be able to wait to test. But, the tests are tucked into the box of pens on my desk, right in front of my computer, and I was thinking that there was a small chance that I O'd on CD10, and that would put me at 13DPO. I am pretty sure now that I didn't O on CD10. I think I O'd on CD15. I've been waffling back and forth on that, but I think I am going to stick with C15. If I look at my CM pattern, my normal cycle length, stuff like that, CD15 makes a lot more sense. Anyway, I tested, and I think I saw the closest thing to a second line that I have seen since TTC. The thing that makes me think that I actually saw it, and am not making it up, is that I have never seen a BFP on these tests, and wouldn't know where the second line would show up, so I wouldn't know where to make myself see one. But, once I did see something, it seemed like it was in the perfect place for a second line. Anway, coulda been an evap line. It was ridiculously faint. And, I am only at 8DPO, so it really couldn't be anything. I tossed it, and by the time I went to take another look, DH had emptied the garbage cans. Oh well, thank goodness I am not getting excited. Oh, and it was with my SMU (2nd mornings urine).
Even though I am not putting too much stock into that test, you can bet your ass I'll be POAS tomorrow morning!
Manufacturing symptoms againPosted Saturday, November 03, 2007 12:37 AM
The two-week-wait is simply the worst. Every single thing is a symptom. In the interest of science, I am going to note them here on my blog. Actually, there have only been 2 symptoms, really, and one of them my have taken place far too early to actually be a symptom.
a) I felt some pretty intense pinching in my lower abdomen. Implantation pain anyone? This is the one thats kind of sketch. It may have happened on 7DPO, (which would put it right on target) or, it might have been on O day. I would think that mittelschmertz would be higher up than this pain was, but shit, I could be wrong. Or, it could have been 2DPO, which would make it nothing. Yes, I have 3 possible O dates, because I wasn't that diligent with my temping. Next cycle, I will be temping perfectly let me tell you.
b) today, which could be 4/6/or 11 DPO, my nose is super congested, but I have no cold symptoms. Its not even running, its just blocked. And, I guess this could count as a 3rd symptom
c) I have heard other women tell of a metallic taste in their mouths as an early symptom. Bizarrely enough, its not a metallic taste in my mouth, as much as in my nose. I know, you can't taste in your nose, but, you know after you have a nose bleed, and you have that metallic taste/smell in there? Wait, now that I think of it, there is one more...
d) the bathroom in my office has an automatic air freshener. It farts out some flowery scent every once in a while. Its never bothered me before, but today, when I was in there, it was terrible, like there was so much in there, I couldn't breath. 'Course, coulda just been a double-fart of the deodorant, I don't know.
I know I am imagining things. Mrs. Hyde is up to her old tricks again. But after she was so wrong last time, Lady Jekyll's voice is coming in a little clearer. I'm not counting on it. As much as I want it.
Posted Thursday, November 01, 2007 10:54 PM
OK, so this is my 1st cycle temping, because I thought that it would take all the "what ifs" out of my cycle. Yeah, right. I was losing my MIND this morning, fiddling with FF, wondering if I should discard a temp, wondering how bad it was that I temped at 5:30 (regular time) even though I got up to pee at 4:30. All the FF literature says that it can work out a pattern, even with some inaccurate temps. What-the-f (_)ck-ever... My O date shifted from CD17 (very much not good, for reason's I'll go into later) to CD12 (nice) to CD 12 (also good) with a few tweaks to my chart. Lemme tell you, I am not trying to make the chart look better for my own ends, I really just want to know WTF is going on.
If I O'd on CD17, which is now what it looks like is the case, its not ideal for 2 reasons, first being that we last BDed on CD15, making it 3 days that the little spermies would have to survive in order to fertilise the egg. Yes, I have also heard that sperms survives for 5 days... but like a sale sign that says prices start at $6.99 when the shirt you want is actually $35.99, sperm CAN survive for 5 days, but doesn't necessarily. 5 days in ideal conditions. I am not betting the bank that there are ideal conditions going on in there. Anyway, this isn't that bad, as 3 days is still decent timing. HOWEVER, if I O'd on CD17, that would mean that I am either looking at a cycle of 32 days (not bloody likely, as I have never had a cycle longer than 29 days max) or, I have a very short luteal phase. Lucky me. So, I went to the pharmacy and picked me up some Vitamin B6. Apparently, it lengthens your luteal phase because:
B6 is a very complex vitamin and has many actions in the body, but the most likely explanation is that B6 lowers the amount of prolactin in the system. Prolactin is a hormone that, in excess amounts, interferes with ovulation and the regularity of cycles. The majority of women that I have talked to encountered a LPD after coming off the birth control pill. Birth control pills cause a deficiency in B6, which can make your prolactin levels rise, which can in turn lead to a luteal phase defect. Supplementation with these large doses of B6 corrects the deficiency and the timing of ovulation hopefully goes back to normal.
Now, I haven't been on BCP for about 3 years, but I am gonna try this B6 stuff anyway, can't hurt, right?
I could sit here and decide that I actually O'd on CD 12/14, which would put me at 8/6DPO, which would explain the (implantation) twinges in my lower abdomen, and while I would love for that to be true, I am not gonna count on it. I don't really want to call myself a pessimist, but rather, a realist. Expect the worst, hope for the best.
Bottom line is, I am investing in more OPKs, because last cycles had me Oing on/around CD12/13 (which, come to think of it, makes me think that I might have O'd earlier than CD17 on this cycle, but whatever). I have seriously never been so insane before. That I can recall 
Posted Friday, October 26, 2007 3:34 PM
...it must have been the wait to O. I am still technically waiting to O, since FF hasn't given me any crosshairs, but, I am wanting to be PG pretty bad. I saw my cousin's kids, who are the most adorable, engaging kids ever. They really interact with me,a nd talk to me, its so nice to be around them. This is new for me. i am used to being around my DHs nieces who are a little more shy. I am going to really make an effort to be in those kids lives a bit more. I see them pretty frequently, but I don't push them to talk to me, or interact with me, because I figure I'll let them come to me when they come around, but maybe I need to make a little more effort... I don't know. The BIL is so into kids, and grabs em, and plays with them, and makes em laugh. I don't want to try and compete with that. I need to get facetime in with them though. Even though my cousin's kids see me very rarely compared to DHs neices. I guess they are my neices too...our neices?
Anyway, we saw Jovie last night, and talked with her a bit before bed, and I put her jammies on her, and cheered when she used the potty, it was nice.
And I want one of my own...
I really want it to happen this cycle, but I don't know whats going on with my temps. I guess we'll just have to FLB for 2 weeks to make sure we get it right.
The fever is breaking...
Posted Tuesday, October 23, 2007 11:42 AM
While I still want a baby, its not ruling my every waking thought any more. Could be that its 3 cycles in now, and the freshness/excitement of the idea is wearing off. Or, it could be just that I am in the wait to O, and I always seem less pumped in that time. However, I think that I am O'ing within the next few days, and the BDing has begun, so, the 2WW will begin in earnest soon. Perhaps I'll get nutty again as we get down to the end of that.
Well, F()ck me running...
Posted Friday, October 19, 2007 4:06 PM
Somehow, even though I didn't even TRY last week, I've manage to lose 2 pounds in the work WW pool. Damn!
Hope that I don't gain it all back next week.
Only 18 more to go to my first goal... prehusband weight!
Just call me Susan Powter
Posted Tuesday, October 16, 2007 2:07 PM
Made it in on a Monday night. I have discovered the secret to getting myself to the gym. I have to not think about it. I have to just jump up, get on my gym clothes and get out of the house before I have time to think about how much I hate the gym, and don't want go.
Man, I hate the gym.
I hope I am not too fat to get pregnant, I hope thats not it.
F^&K, F^&K, F^&K, F^&K, F^&K!
Posted Saturday, October 13, 2007 1:39 PM
The following is an announcement from Mrs. Hyde.
"I was wrong. But I could have been right."
I am getting pretty frustrated, even though I know its normal, and it can take a long time to get pregnant. Now I am just mad that I waited so long, I should have started at the beginning of the summer, not the beginning of fall.
And, I am turning bitter surprising fast. All these girls getting PG on their first cycle... WHY CAN'T THAT BE ME!!!
Not that I begrudge them their good fortune, but f^*k...
And the DH, who is normally the most sensitive man on the planet, just doesn't get my frustration. I DON'T WANT TO GIVE IT TIME.
I am not sad, per se, I am pissed.
I will try and count my blessings though. Today, I will go to a nice fall football game and drink beers and be with fun friends. And then later tonight, I will eat beer food.
Screw WW today...
Maybe I'll go shopping.
Weight Watchers again...
Posted Thursday, October 11, 2007 1:56 PM
So, I started with some ladies at work doing unofficial WW meetings. I'd like to lose weight, but I am learning to be OK with myself at this size. Its not small, but its also not Jabba the Hut proportions either... or at least I'd like to think so. Besides, I am going to get big as a house in a few months anyway (hopefully!!!)
I created a wicked excel spreadsheet that tracks all my points for me. Anyone's interested, I'll send it over...
Lets see if I can make it 2 times this week...
Posted Wednesday, October 10, 2007 3:05 AM
Same ole same ole
Half hour, elliptical.
Doing WW with some chicks at work, we'll see how long this lasts...
Creating PG symptoms
Posted Tuesday, October 09, 2007 4:38 PM
I feel like Lady Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde. There is an insane woman inside me, and she is battling with the realistic woman thats in there too. I don't want to get my hopes up for this cycle, but they are, for better or worse. Lady Jekyll is telling me that its very unlikely, as its only cycle #2, and we only BDed twice around that time (although it was well timed). Mrs. Hyde is telling me that I MUST be, because there is no reason for us NOT to be, and besides, what about all the SYMPTOMS!!
What symptoms you ask? Well, they range from the reasonable, to the idiotic. Mrs. Hyde doesn't need to make sense...
Reasonable:
- Super sore BBs (and I do mean super, their own weight causes twinges of pain)
- Super tired (I spent more time napping/sleeping this weekend than awake)
- Headaches (never get em, never medicate them, had to take Tylenol this weekend)
- Possible implantation pain (it wasn't excruciating, but it was a pain I haven't felt before)
Irrational:
- Been cleaning in a manner quite unlike me
- Been BAKING (I never bake. Ever. but I made Peanut Butter cookies on Saturday, and Banana Bread on Monday)
- Been craving milk, and other dairy products
Whatever. I know that in 7 days time, Mrs. Hyde will be posting a retraction, and in the meantime, I'll do my best to ignore her...
Cloth Diapers
Posted Monday, October 08, 2007 1:47 PM
My SILs laughed at me yesterday, when I said that I wanted to do cloth. It really doesn't seem like its that hard to me, although I guess we will see. I have all these big plans, but maybe they will just fall to the wayside when I actually do have a baby. I sure hope not. Its not like I said I was going to try and go completely diaper-less! And hey, thats an option too, no? I really want to do cloth, I really want to breastfeed, and I really want to wear my baby. No one else I know did any of these things, and I'll feel like a bit of a freak, but I really hope that I stick to my guns. I should go around proclaiming that I am going to use cloth, and get all preachy about the environmental aspects, and that way, I'll HAVE to stick with it when I have kids, or else I'll look like a weasel...Temping
Posted Friday, October 05, 2007 8:04 PM
I am a total newbie to temping. I might hit up the library for TCOYF, but in the mean time, I am just confused... and I suspect I will be even after reading it. Sounds very sciencey...
Anyhoo, i just started temping at 3 DPO, because my thermometer arrived. Since I have no previous temps to compare it to, its silly to try and evaluate my temps, but it seems like they are super low! 97.29, and today 97.28. Low and dropping. Can't be a good sign. Interesting to see what happens when I start temping from the start of a cycle... which I think will be next cycle, because I don't have high hopes for this one. *overdramatic sobbing*
I am fricking DYING!
Posted Thursday, October 04, 2007 12:25 AM
Waiting to O was NOT a big deal. Dunno why. Waiting to test is KILLING ME!! Its only 2 DPO for crying out loud! I will go starkers before 11 more days pass... How can I possibly distract myself??
Oh so dedicated.
Posted Tuesday, October 02, 2007 10:10 PM
Can't not post about hitting the gym, because now people are reading my blogs. Damn the NestBaby gods for putting me on the main page...
Half hour, elliptical. I just couldn't bring myself to use the machines.
I am just going to buy a frickin' elliptical (used) and put it in my basement. I might as well do that instead of paying $47 a month to the Y... at least I'll have something to show for it at the end of the year besides a void in my bank account. And I think I would use it more if it was at house.
Goodness only knows though.
Missed the surge...
Posted Sunday, September 30, 2007 6:27 PM
...but I still feel pretty certain that, barring any bizarre unforseen circumstances, I am pretty sure I Od, or will O, today, maybe tomorrow. I am interpreting the results thusly... it was darkest yesterday, and faint again today, so I probably hit my surge, but missed catching it exactly. I feel pretty good about things this cycle. I know it stresses some women out, to chart to hard or pay too much attention to things, but I am coming to realise that I am completely type "A", and I need to do this. Not knowing is what would make me crazy. I need to know my variables and odds.
Like I said, feeling good about things this cycle. Left too much to chance last time. I think that my cycles are nice and regular. If it doesn't take this cycle, I will temp next cycle, but, like I said, I am feeling good about things so far.
Even darker...
Posted Saturday, September 29, 2007 10:53 PM
I was really starting to think I was in early menopause or something, but I guess its working itself out. CD 12 (mymonthlycycle.com tells me I am supposed to O tomorrow) and this is what comes up:
It's very close to being as dark as, or darker than the control line. I am surprised that it can change that much in one day! Unless my pee was diluted yesterday... I held it for 5 hours today, as opposed to 4. Anyway, very pleased, but still confused. Is it time to BD, or do I wait until I have a full-on positive?
2 minutes later...
Faaawwwwwwwwk!
From peeonastick.com: "It is possible for your body to 'gear up' to ovulate, leading to an LH surge-- and then, for some reason (such as stress, illness, travel, or random fluke), your body fails to release an egg. When this happens, your LH surge will dissipate and your cevical mucus (a signal of fertility) will dry up."
I am a "glass is half-empty" kind of girl. Also known as a "realist" in my family, so I always expect the worst. Less disappointment that way. I wish I could "know" that I was ovulating. If it doesn't take this cycle, I'll be temping, but will that even tell me definitively?
Final-f&*king-ly!
Posted Saturday, September 29, 2007 1:02 AM
I just want to get a positive on a stick I pee on...
Got 2 negs on my OPKs (I started to think I got a bad batch) but I finally have a faint (faint, very very very faint) line on today's OPK. Good thing too, because I need a little SOMETHING to keep me going. Phew. I was starting to think I was in early menopause or something! It's faint, but its there...
CD 11 boys and girls... tomorrow's better be even DARKER!!
I am consistently inconsistent...
Posted Wednesday, September 26, 2007 2:45 AM
Not even sure how long its been, but at least I am going every couple of weeks... its better than nothing!
I am pathetic.
Ah well. Another half an hour on the elliptical, and then some free weights.
Posted Tuesday, September 25, 2007 6:50 PM
...I officially feel old. Apparently "Women in their twenties typically have more days of EWCM than woman in their thirties. Although it is not always true, women in their twenties will have around 5 days of EWCM and woman in their thirties may have only 1 or two days with EWCM."
I've only just begun to pay attention to my CM, and have recently been thinking to myself, "what's going on, I usually have TONS of the stuff..." Now, I see, I USED to have tons of the stuff, but now I am 32, and am old. My eggs are shriveling and dying as we speak. I could not have changed the age at which I started having kids (I've only been married for 6 months) but man, do I wish I could.
Not as keen on "nesting"...
Posted Sunday, September 23, 2007 2:55 PM
...and I don't know if its because I over-nested when I first started, or if it's because of where I am in my cycle (waiting to "O") or what. It certainly isn't because I am not as interested in getting pregnant, although, it could be that I have lost some of the initial excitement because I didn't get PG on Cycle #1. Before "failing" on our first try, the possibilities were so exciting. Now, I really just know it could take months. I hope not, but its possible.
Also, nothing new is going on. At all...
Maybe at Christmas I'll have some more exciting things to write.
Oh that witchy eye...
Posted Wednesday, September 19, 2007 3:12 AM
... I am starting to believe it might be all-seeing! That darned AF showed. But, I knew she was on her way, I just knew it. I am not the lucky type, no way it was going to catch the first time.
I am going to chart a bit more carefully this month, and see if we can't make that witchy eye be off by one month. I ordered some Pre-seed, and a BBT thermometer. I won't have it till half way through my cycle, but at least I will have it for the next cycle, and I suppose, its useful as a general thermometer after I conceive, and hey, for the next 3 kids...
Madame Zaritska's reading
Posted Sunday, September 16, 2007 3:18 PM
Madame Zaritska, our resident clairvoyant, wants to help you prepare for the arrival of your child. Here she does her best to predict certain aspects of your labor and birth experience.
What she senses for you
The day you deliver, outside will be overcast. Your baby will arrive in the afternoon.
After a labor lasting approximately 21 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 6 pounds, 14 ounces, and will be 20-1/2 inches long. This child will have blue eyes and some very fine hair.
Had a bit of a sob today...
Posted Saturday, September 15, 2007 9:36 PM
Could be AF on her way, could be early PG symptoms, but that crying jag hit me like a 10-ton wrecking ball.
Long story short, I had a very close friend, we were BFs for about 3 years. She was all set to be the MOH at my wedding. We had a falling out about a year before the wedding (nothing wedding related), and we haven't spoken for probably a year and a half now. Saw a pic of her on Facebook, and she looks great, she is probably 6 or so months pregnant, maybe more. It shocked me to see, even though I have heard through the grapevine that she is PG. You might think that I was sobbing because I was jealous, but in truth, I got as upset as I did because I I can't be going through her pregnancy with her. I regret that things ended the way they did, because we were both stubborn. I wish I had my friend back, and that I could be there for her during this exciting time in her life. I know this sounds dangerously close to pathetic, but I won't feel bad for missing someone who used to be my best friend.
I broke...
Posted Saturday, September 15, 2007 7:27 PM
...and I tested. And I got a BFN. I am not truly heartbroken yet, as my period isn't due for another 3 days, so it could be a false negative. Thing is, I am pretty sure that I am not. I just have a feeling. And if someone women can just "know" when they are, I think I can just "know" that I am not. I know that I wrote in earlier posts that I don't care when it comes, that I am satisfied to just let it happen, but I guess I am a BFL (Big Fat Liar). I want it NOW! My DH thinks I am moderately crazy, and I can't say I blame him. I am pretty sure that when AF does arrive, I'll be disappointed, but i don't think that I will cry or anything. This IS only Cycle 1 after all. How lucky do i think I am, that we would conceive on our first cycle trying. I've NEVER had that kind of luck. Talk to me in Cycle 6, and then I will be crying... and calling the doctor.
OMG, I just had the craziest idea. My fertility symptoms were different this cycle, in that my CM was practically nonexistent, when its always been copious in the past. What if my body just quit ovulation, and it coincidentally happened the first cycle that I started paying attention? It has to happen sometime. There has to be a last ovulation for everyone... what if mine came way to soon? Wouldn't you just effin' know it... I don't think this is actually the case (I sure hope not) but there is a possibility I guess, however remote.
Day off with a little bit...
Posted Friday, September 14, 2007 3:01 AM
Wanted to go to the gym tonight too, and focus on the weights, but I couldn't make myself, so I went into the basement, jumped rope and lifted weights a bit here. Not for a solid half an hour... maby not even for 10 minutes, but every little bit counts, right?
Back on track, but for how long...
Posted Thursday, September 13, 2007 2:25 PM
Last night, another 30 on the elliptical. I need to work in some resistance training, but the weight room at the Y is so intimidating... I hardly feel comfortable waiting in line for the weights
buff guy...buff guy... buff guy... chubby chick...buff guy...buff guy
Yeesh!
Its better than nothing.
OK, 3 wks later, i went back...
Posted Tuesday, September 11, 2007 4:00 AM
... to the gym. Nooo, not 3 weeks, only a week or so. To be fair, I did have a tooth extracted last week, and was told not to work out for fear of busting open stitches. It was weird too, because i definitly felt my pulse in my gum where the incisions were the most...
At any rate, 30 mins, elliptical, maintained a BPM of around 123
More Interesting data...
Posted Tuesday, September 11, 2007 12:40 AM
Ovulation Calculator | |
Of course, you may not conceive right away. But here's good news: 85 percent of couples who simply stop using birth control conceive within a year. You'll only increase your chances by knowing your fertile periods.
Here are the days you're most likely to be fertile over the next five months -- as well as prospective due dates if you conceive. Good luck!
| Fertile days | Resulting due date |
|---|---|
| September 29, 2007 - October 4, 2007 | June 24, 2008 |
| October 26, 2007 - October 31, 2007 | July 21, 2008 |
| November 22, 2007 - November 27, 2007 | August 17, 2008 |
| December 19, 2007 - December 24, 2007 | September 13, 2008 |
| January 15, 2008 - January 20, 2008 | October 10, 2008 |
| February 11, 2008 - February 16, 2008 | November 6, 2008 |
Interesting Weight Gain Data
Posted Tuesday, September 11, 2007 12:34 AM
This is what I should gain, according to my current weight and height...
You should gain roughly 15 lbs. during your pregnancy.Over the last two trimesters you should gain about 2 lbs. every 4 weeks.
How it breaks down
If you gained the average of range above, this is where the weight would go (totals are rounded):
| Maternal: | |
|---|---|
| Uterus | 0.79 lbs. |
| Breasts | 0.33 lbs. |
| Blood | 1.03 lbs. |
| Water | 1.38 lbs. |
| Fat | 2.75 lbs. |
| Subtotal | 6.28 lbs. |
Fetal: | |
| Fetus | 7.5 lbs. |
| Placenta | 0.53 lbs. |
| Amniotic Fluid | 0.65 lbs. |
| Subtotal | 8.68 lbs. |
| Total | 14.96 lbs. |
Had an extra long weekend...
Posted Thursday, September 06, 2007 3:00 AM
...and we actually accomplished something! We repainted and redecorated our guest room. We hadn't repainted that room since we moved in, and it was painted Leafs blue... I am a Habs fan, so it offended me on at least 2 levels. Anyway, its now my favorite room in the house. Its really no big deal, its just cobbled together with old furniture, but it does look like a guest room, as opposed to a big blue room with a bed in it, like it did before.
Sometimes I see the pictures of these absolutely perfectly decorated brand-new houses, and I wonder how they do it. One day, I know, I too will have a brand new leather couch. Oh, I look forward to that day...
Other baby bellies...
Posted Wednesday, September 05, 2007 1:37 PM
...are starting to fascinate me. I have to be careful not to look like some crazy stalker, looking too long at other pregnant women. But seriously, I am addicted to belly-shots. The progression astounds me, as does how big a belly full of baby can get. I look forward to getting a nice big round belly!
I am so effin' worried...
Posted Monday, September 03, 2007 6:55 PM
... that I won't be able to breastfeed, because I had a breast-reduction surgery. Breastfeeding is something that is/will be very important to me, and the thought that I won't be able to do it scares the crap out of me... Reading stories from other women about how they weren't able to, sometimes not until the 2nd or 3rd child...crap. I mean, I suppose there is nothing that I can do about it either way, but I wish there was a way for me to know. I wish there was way to tell if all the ducts were cut, or if the connections have reattached. Its been, like over a decade since the surgery (I think) but that's the biggest worry that I have right now.
Feeling good about things...
Posted Monday, September 03, 2007 6:12 PM
...because, even though I have picked out baby furniture and names, and all that stuff, as though I was already expecting, I will be OK if it doesn't take right away. I mean, I want it to, but I think I will be OK if it just happens in its own good time. 'Course, if it takes 6 months, I might not feel the same way...
Tonight, we dance...
Posted Sunday, September 02, 2007 11:46 PM
Baby dance that is... I don't have a lot of hopes for this to work this cycle, mostly because this is the first cycle that I have really paid attention to anything. I am just glad that I haven't been on BCP, so I kinda know what my cycle is like naturally.
Fingers crossed though!
So I have this friend with a witchy eye...
Posted Friday, August 31, 2007 6:03 AM
...who claims to see into the future. Well, kinda. She did tell me that I should go out the night that I met my husband. She did tell me that I would marry him. She did tell me that I would get a job that I interviewed for. So far, she is 3 for 3.
She has foreseen that we will have only sons, 2 of them, and the youngest will have a lisp, but only until about grade 2...
She also claims that (although we are starting to try in Sept) that we won't be getting PG until December.
I am committing this to... well, not paper, but to cyberspace, so we can all see if she is correctLittle anniversary blip
Posted Thursday, August 30, 2007 1:58 PM
Just over 6 months, and what did we do for our 6-month anniversary? Nada... Its partly my fault, I don't really get too crazy over anniversarys, especially now that we are buckling down so hard so that we can be in a better financial position when we eventually have kids. All i am saying is, he better not forget 1 year!!
Not really TTC related...
Posted Thursday, August 30, 2007 1:47 PM
But I do want to drop some poundage and get healthier before getting PG, so I am going to track my gym-attendance.
Last night, elliptical, 30 min.
How in the world...Posted Tuesday, August 28, 2007 2:25 PM
... am I going to be able to wait 15 or so days to test! What a reversal from when I was younger, and not wanting a baby, and all I wanted to see was a negative on that test.
Sometimes I feel silly, obsessing (and I think I am only moderately obsessed) over this whole idea. I haven't told a lot of people, but DH and the few people who I have told keep telling me not to think about it, that if I obsess over it it just won't happen. I call bullshit! If I don't think about it, and make sure that certain things happen, it will NEVER happen...
My maternal cousin is fertile, I know this because she got PG right after going off BCP and for a second time right after the birth of her first. So I hope and pray that I am equally as fertile, and it won't be hard for me to conceive.
Waiting will be very hard. And if it doesn't take within the first few tries, well, that will be killer. I really feel for those people who have been trying for years. That must be really hard.
Oh so naive...
Posted Monday, August 27, 2007 12:57 AM
I don't know why, but I was thinking that as soon as I want to be, I can be pregnant. Its just a matter of getting the swimmers and the eggs together, right? And if I know around when the egg will ready for a date, and get the swimmers there on time, then it should all click right?
Man, I wish.
I am not experiencing trouble TTC just yet, but I am afraid that I will, and now that I have decided that this is what I want, its going to be hard to just go with the flow and hope for the best.
UPDATE: I just read that even if you do everything right, you still only have a 25 - 30% chance of conceiving. Crap.
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