Thursday, May 01, 2008

OK, spoke too soon

Remember how I was saying that I am not surrounded by pregnant ladies?
Just found out that another friend is pregnant. We don't live very near to each other any more, so we don't see each other often, but we keep in touch via MSN. She told me yesterday that she is PG. My immediate reaction was that I was very happy for her. She's wanted this for a while, and she was worried that it wouldn't happen for her. Now, when I say that she has wanted this for a while, I don't mean that she has had trouble trying to conceive, I mean she was single for a long time, and didn't think she would find anyone in time to have children before her eggs went off. She's melodramatic sometimes. As it seems, it was a one time deal, an "accident" of sorts. But it took for her.

Cut to 3 hours later when I start thinking about things, and... cue the sobbing.
I must preface this by saying that not one part of me wishes that she weren't pregnant, or isn't happy (nay, ecstatic) for her. She is my first close friend who is having a baby. I am very excited for her. However, there are a few things that make me sad, for me.

When I think about the fact that there was a time when it was me, her and another friend who hung out together all the time. They were the 2 that I hit the bars with every Friday night. One we don't talk to anymore (falling out/phase out) but she has a 4 month old now, and now this friend is pregnant. And I am still very not pregnant. That stings. Just that they are both moving right along, leaving me in the dust.

Then the fact that I started trying almost a year ago, with no luck so far, and SHE who was worried that her old eggs wouldn't work (she is only a few years older than me, like I said, a touch of the melodrama) has managed to get knocked up after one single incident.

So yeah, I cried yesterday. Sobbed even. But I stopped eventually, and I don't think I will again. Now I will move back to being ecstatic for her.

Besides, it hasn't even been a full year yet for me. I won't panic yet.

2 comments:

Echloe said...

Been there sister. The comparing myself with other women is part of the reason this process has been so shitty.

Melissa said...

Yep..I just went through almost this same thing the other day.. Its so strange to be SO happy for someone, and SO sad for yourself..

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